Jim answered a knock at his door and looked down to see a large frog wearing bright red lipstick, sitting on the porch.

“What in blazes?” he said.

The frog said, “It’s me, the girl you loved in first grade. I was turned into a frog, and can only become human again if you’ll passionately kiss me.”

Jim grabbed the frog and looked soulfully into its eyes. He then pressed the frog’s lips to his in a long, wet kiss. The frog immediately turned into a biker with a greasy beard and bulging belly.

Belching, the biker said, “Thanks, man. Took me the damndest time to figure out the lipstick deal.”

Annie and Benito
Annie Oakley and Benito Mussolini were playing checkers in a bar. Annie turned to sip her beer and Benito surreptitiously moved a checker into a better position. Annie glanced back at the board, looked up at Benito and shot his ear off with her pistol.

Clutching his head, Benito screamed, “Miss Oakley, you shot my cussed ear off! Why?”

“Benito,” she said, “We’ve been playing checkers here for eleven years, and you cheat every time. I don’t mind that. What I mind is the fact that I always have to get up to look around those ears of yours to see the clock. Just got tired of getting up is all.”